CRABSTICKS

Today I bought some crabsticks.

Well I didn't. Because I'm not actually Simon. Simon is next to me in an ovenbearing fashion. I've made a series of speling mistakes. He's commenting on them which makes me very sad as Simon can't spell either.

He told me that fact himself. In an attempt to comfort me and bring us together.

ALAS!

I (aRRON bARNEY rOBYN fERGUSON) did indeed buy some crabsticks? Why, well I'm not sure. But let me tell you of a memory. Who? YOU! The lesbians of the high county.

Twas school. Circa year ten or eleven. That period was all one disturbing blur of time. We had a girl in our class. Her name was Heidi. Judging bythe way in which she was about her darling self I imagine if she's not dead by now she's in the process of dying or at the very least in the process of dying.

She was a larger woman. There is nothing wrong with this of course (bar the health issues and lack of attractivness) yet one day in the dear old cookery classes of old she decided to bend over. Well, she did not decide to bend. No-one decides to bend, but he needed to.

As is often prone with some of these "larger folk" the reveal of her arse crack was imminent.


Upon reveal the young fellow next to me (lets call him Steve, since that was his name) impulsivly dropped a crab-stick into her anal crackety wack.


Hilarity (ish) ensued.

And that is my story for you. LOVE. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxPxxxxxxxxxx

Look At Me, Will I Ever Learn...

Hello you,
               Yeah. Well, usually I like to keep things seperate, I am very much a human set of dividers, I don't like things mixing together, people, ideas, fluids and especially discourse. For instance, this is one particular discourse, the pitiful Channel4 blog is another - yet in a moment of frenzied business, without thinking, I broke with tradition to tell a few people here and something other there...and well, I didn't come out in a rash and hair only sprouted from my palms and soles of my feet, so it wasn't so bad... yet there is still something icky yet delicious about mixing things together.

Is this something my mind does; for 95% of the time my meals are eaten, individual portions are the best, I.E. Pizza, is so simplistic, as is Burger & Chips - yet Pasta freaks me out, Linguini forget it, shudder, shudder. Yet I am never happier when eating beans, Fish-Fingers and chips because the consistency of the three objects, compliment each other beautifully. This analagy is getting a little lost and muddled...oh dear the antithesis of what I wanted ;) 

Let me show you another example, I usually write very frenziedly and feveredly, it goes all over the place, a stream of consiousness, badly spelt and with little grammar... but it follows a path, a mad path of my own making, but a path nonetheless. Yet when I come to the rewriting process, I shall throw all matter of er...matter in with other things, especially SCRIPTS, I add scenes for no reason here and there, copy and paste from other scripts - and it feels right and makes perfect sense to me, yet this congealed mess - well it is abhorrant to my nature....

ah the duplicity of people.... so here we are again, there is another blog lurking about that I have dampened with my own sweaty droplets of creativity and here is the link to the 2nd of 2 podcasts I've made with the beautiful and fragrant Matthew Reynolds called Process, listen, comment and contribute to it.

Yes, well there we are, some more mixed up stuff, to add to the already mixed up messy mess..... *swoon* SMELLING SALTS! SMELLING SALTS!